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The Secret to a Happy Family | The Science of Happiness

January 18, 2020


What makes you a happy parent? How do you
raise a well-adjusted child and while we’re on
the subject how do you go from worrying about only
your own happiness to caring about everybody around you? How do you do it when
for so long you’ve likely had to worry about yourself? Well luckily for you, you’re actually getting
a little extra boost. Studies have shown that within days of
becoming a parent the neurons in your brain start rewiring themselves to make you a better
caregiver. And as you interact more and more with your child you rapidly grow new brain cells to help
make you a better parent. Helping you make the shift from “me” to
“we”. Well, turns out we’re not the only ones
who were interested in family dynamics. The folks behind the new film Wish I Was
Here came to us and asked if we could investigate some of the ideas that are
tackled in the new film. Out in select theaters July 18th. Wish I
Was Here is about that moment in your life when you go from simply being a
member of your family to being the leader of your family. “This is it. This is the spot.” “What is it?” “This is the spot where I had one of the
deepest most sincere spiritual moments of my life. Last time I had an epiphany it was right here.” “What’s an enifany? “An epiphany is when you realize something that you really needed
to realize. It’s, you know, sometimes in life you can
get kinda stuck and you feel like you should’ve
changed chapters by now but you can’t.” We gathered a selection of parents
and their children to act as our subjects. First we asked the parents to step outside. -Ok Once they were out of sight we asked their
kids a series of questions about them. Then we invited each of the parents back
in and asked them to tell us how they thought their child answered
each question. -Ok -So the first question we asked him was if he
could have any wish for you what would it be? -Oh, boy. Let me… tour the world with my band. -Ok, let’s see what he said for him to have his band takeoff. *laugh* Very cool -Right on the head. He knows what kinda efforts and persistence I’ve put into gaining success at music To… be happy and live a long
life. *Laughs* For her to get a better job. -Why do you say that? Cause we need more money probably. -So why do you think he said that? Maybe cause me and his dad argue about money? My wish will be…He will be a happy dad. -So she just said she wants you to be happy.
Why do you think that is? I’ve been having ups and downs. Trying, you know, to get it together so my family’s well taken care of and they’re happy. -Do you worry about your mom? -Sometimes -Why do you worry about her? Cause her dad died when I started school. Like three days before school happened. Well, he said he does worry about you sometimes. Why do you think that is? I don’t know. He worries a lot. I always tell you don’t need to worry all the time. Just be a kid. I guess he is like me. I worry a lot too -Sometimes -Why do you worry about him? -Well, sometimes he gets a little frustrated on things. Getting jobs. So he is working hard to get a new job. -Does he have one right now? -No, he is getting one. -Right on the money. She worries about you sometimes. Yeah, just trying, you know, to get a job and, you know, it’s frustrating. I hate being turned away. -I worry about her sometimes because she has a pretty stressful life. She does yell a lot. She yells a lot I don’t know why. -So was he accurate? -Yes *laughs* That is like my stress response and I
start out saying things really softly of what I need to be done around the house and each time I have to say it, it gets a
little bit louder -Not at all. wait, wait, wait. A little bit -Not at all. -Really? Why not? I mean he’s not in danger any time. I mean sometimes the rent. He pays it late sometimes but other than that we’re pretty
good – Do you know if he liked his job or not? -I used to work at Children’s Hospital. I got let go. I’m working 9-5 I can’t do nothing else. I can’t hustle and make extra money. My whole day is gone. So that is why I need a night job. When are you going to find time to sleep? -I don’t know but right now I don’t have time to sleep. I work too much already, as you saw, and I have an eight year-old daughter. She knows that I’m trying to get it together. She knows. She’s, you know, eight years old but she knows.
She’s smart. She knows what’s going on. I wanna be a provider for her and I want to be able to give her the best. That’s my first born, you know. That’s my baby girl. -She especially likes working with kids. That’s why she is teacher but sometimes it’s just too much for her. -Do you think he is accurate? -Very accurate. Yes, it
does overwhelm me sometimes because, like I said, I wanna balance
everything and to be a good mom and a good teacher and a good wife and a good everything. It’s just… It’s stressful. Sometimes he gets like a thousand-dollar check every day but sometimes he gets nothing because he didn’t sell Life Alerts(?) but on the good days he’s happy -The key to being a good parent is being there for your kids not just financially, but physically. -Do you think you spend enough time with her? -Yes -Yes -Time is hugely important but I think too many people waste all the little moments in between. -Do you spend a lot of time with your dad? -Yeah, usually we play games together. He is actually learning very well. It’s about how you’re utilizing the
time. It’s in the details. It’s in the small things. We love to gear up for a camping trip and go
out and have that event to look forward to, but
there’s the times in between just when you’re sitting on the couch. He’s playing and “Hey dad, can you get me something to drink” and you’re attentive to that. You’re there for him. -Do you think you get to spend enough
time with your son? -Probably not -Yeah, I spend probably half my day with her. -I didn’t really quite get
that he wanted to spend more time with me from that. That makes me happy -Is it something you worry about? That you are not getting enough time? Yeah it is. I mean with all my kids. It’s always a balance it seems. -Welcome back. Have a seat. If you could have three wishes to make your mom happier what would they be? -Some money so he won’t be so
stressed about rent. -Money, jewelry and a house. It’s a big apartment but mom wants a house. She could use a vacation somewhere really relaxing. And also for my dad to be home a little bit more. Cause he’s a firefighter and he works
sometimes three days at a time. -Love me, happiness, and caring. -I’m working hard and I think that
things are gonna come together financially but the
reality of right now what I’m dealing with comes back to making the very most of the time we do have
together including all the little times in
between. -We as parents need to realize that they’re going to have to spend less
time with us as they grow up and, you know, maybe that’s just the process. -One of my favorite times is in the morning. -You walk me to school. -That is really good quality time. Not this big, you know, thing like a camping trip
or a vacation but we walk together to school.
Maybe for 12-15 minutes but that’s how we start the day and it’s a
great time together. -Every minute counts. Every second counts.
That we spend time And when they are not with me, if I’m at work or
whatever, I know they’re in good hands. These are my babies so I owe them that. Being a good parent isn’t about how much time you spend with them. It’s about the quality of the time. and that as a direct result of your
ability to stay present while you’re with them. Stay tuned for more episodes and check out the movie Wish I Was Here out in theaters July 18th.
I’m Julian and this has been The Science of Happiness. Huuh, Feels good to be back. SoulPancake! Subscribe! 😀

100 Comments

  • Reply Emily Colby July 19, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    Casey Lavere brought me here!

  • Reply sunshine lu July 19, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Caseylavere sent me here… Great message from the kids and the adults… 

  • Reply Rachel Potter July 19, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Casey lavere sent me here

  • Reply Janna Lai July 19, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Ur one video made me like, subscribe and add that video to favourites. Watched it because of bratayley.

  • Reply Manar A July 19, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    i should thank Casey for sharing this video and this channel looks interesting to me 
    😀 

  • Reply Mamacpj July 19, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    Casey Lavere sent me here.

  • Reply AT saanTardXC July 19, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    one of my favorite youtubers sent me here and I'm glad he did! gracias @caseylavere lol

  • Reply Becky Masterman July 19, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    Casey sent me!!

  • Reply Roxanne Gomez July 19, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    @caseylavere Makes real OG Vlogs, and you should subscribe. <333

  • Reply yopyopo July 19, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Thanks @caseylavere for sending me here 🙂 

  • Reply Naoual Sk July 19, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Caseylavere sent me here ! Great video 😉

  • Reply coachcinderswella July 19, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    Casey sent me

  • Reply caseylavere July 20, 2014 at 12:23 am

    Very cool and interesting video……I wonder what Brailee and Gage would say if they were asked some of these questions?

  • Reply Bustin Y. July 20, 2014 at 12:31 am

    casey sent me here

  • Reply gracel0l July 20, 2014 at 12:58 am

    This was so good! I was smiling so much by the end! It's so crazy how kids know so much-more than you think! Thanks to Casey Lavere for sending me 🙂

  • Reply Foreveralonennu July 20, 2014 at 3:39 am

    casey sent mee

  • Reply ktawesomeness14 July 20, 2014 at 5:34 am

    Such a good video, saw this yesterday but came to watch it again as sent by casey Lavere

  • Reply KipRocky July 20, 2014 at 5:45 am

    Caseylavere sent me here!…great video he was right

  • Reply MKTO Baby July 20, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Tears…such a great video!

  • Reply Darsana Roldan July 20, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    GREAT MATERIAL!!!

  • Reply Netanya Rodriguez July 20, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    AH why is this making me tear up? i'm not a parent!

  • Reply Samantha Knaepen July 20, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    Looked this video when Casey asked, not a second of regret. Pretty nice, good job!

  • Reply carladaisybee1983 July 21, 2014 at 5:25 am

    casey lavere sent me 😛

  • Reply Jessie K July 22, 2014 at 12:22 am

    i seriously love you guys 

  • Reply MemorableJ July 22, 2014 at 12:23 am

    you guys rock!!!!!

  • Reply ashley July 22, 2014 at 3:55 am

    love this! (caseylavere sent me here)

  • Reply Suo Ubredi July 22, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    @Bratayley Sent me here

  • Reply Felicia Clayton July 23, 2014 at 5:09 am

    I think this video is so cute because sometimes parents don't realize how much their kids do care for and appreciate them.

  • Reply Mark Starbinski July 23, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    wow cool

  • Reply Cynthia Galindo July 23, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    CaseyLavere Sent me!!!

  • Reply Mearii Jenkins July 24, 2014 at 1:27 am

    I missed this!!

  • Reply trailerman July 24, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    Always bring tears to my eyes! Love it!
    Thanks SPC!

  • Reply LaShawn Edwards July 28, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    awesome vid!

  • Reply LollypopStuffs July 29, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    In absolute sincerity, these videos make me extremely happy. I have trouble sleeping usually because my head just ends up a bad place, but watching your videos for the past while has helped in a way I can't describe, being happy, thank you so very much for the content you make.

  • Reply Thumb hunter July 31, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    guys i am new here can you give a general idea about the soulpanecake philosophy

  • Reply TheMillyVanilly August 1, 2014 at 9:52 am

    This made me tear up 🙂

  • Reply daena August 3, 2014 at 5:28 am

    Julian!! Love that you're still doing all these science of happiness/love videos 🙂 You're the best!

  • Reply Hananene Shipper August 5, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    I love my mom she did alot for me she shpuld won mom of the year award

  • Reply Ashley B August 6, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    I couldn't be a host like Julian, lol I would cry at every single episode.

  • Reply Quỳnh Như Lương August 7, 2014 at 5:18 am

    He is so handsome . love u hehehe

  • Reply Samantha Migliore August 13, 2014 at 6:00 am

    much insperaton, such teayrs.

    lyke dis if u cry avry tyme.

  • Reply Fabio Saavedra August 15, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Que bueno seria poder tener todos los videos traducidos el español…

  • Reply Deanna Black August 16, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    To the people that were in this video YOU ARE NOT ALONE on the typical struggles and stresses that us Humans go through everyday.

  • Reply Layal Dergham September 1, 2014 at 1:24 am

    I balled like a fucking baby omg so beautiful

  • Reply Wanderwoman September 9, 2014 at 9:16 am

    Just found this channel yesterday and already watched many of the videos! Absolutly amazing! Great job guys!

  • Reply RangerN September 23, 2014 at 9:42 am

    #TheScienceofHappiness is a good reminder for us

  • Reply Diana Q October 3, 2014 at 1:45 am

    the little african girl is the sweetest thing in the world

  • Reply Troy Erstling October 9, 2014 at 5:03 am

    This is hands down the best video series on Youtube. Thank you @SoulPancake for making my days brighter 🙂

  • Reply Samantha0002 October 25, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Bratayley sent me

  • Reply Samy Dreamer October 26, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    I wish my parents could realize that they needed or need to be there FOR me. When I tell them that they should care for me more they respond in a negative way. "Oh you're lucky you didn't have to do this Like me when I was younger" "you get everything you want" um no I don't and I don't really care for objects. I just want them to be more positive and stop making judgments and to enjoy life. It's not like it's we are suffering financially or something. Loving each other is easy, but they're not willing to try.

  • Reply @Bella#Awesome November 14, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    SoulPancake you are the best. your efforts to spread happiness are not in vain all <3

  • Reply Nalexiiis November 22, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    How do you measure happiness? They are talking about 2%, 4% etc, but how exactly is that measured? Just curious 🙂 Thumbs up for the video 🙂

  • Reply Dayanara Reyes December 19, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    I am doing a research for my final paper in class subject on "Family Happiness" and I must say, this video brought me tears; children do notice. Great Job guys I am surely subscribing to this channel 

  • Reply April Cortines March 29, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    I love these videos. So interesting and they bring me so much joy 🙂

  • Reply Gerardo Blanco April 11, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    Thanks. To be happy, it´s very important being a gratfuly, motivating, loving, person!!!!!!

  • Reply Alex Newell April 19, 2015 at 5:48 am

    oh my gosh that little girl is so cute!

  • Reply Cam B May 19, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    This is really beautiful. The father with the 8 year old girl is such a traditional responsible father. Beautiful father. I wished I knew my dad and wish he had the mind just like her father does. I pray it works out for them.

  • Reply Crafted For Excellence August 20, 2015 at 2:45 am

    LOVE these

  • Reply Jessica September 3, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    Anybody know if the father of the little girl get a over nights job?!?!?

  • Reply Mariam Gasser Mohamed November 4, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

  • Reply Mariam Gasser Mohamed November 4, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    I wanna give you 282672385358233 subscribes and 33808638853688556 likes on every single video

  • Reply Marcelo Canal November 14, 2015 at 12:34 am

    when I get grown up I wanna be a SoulPancake !

  • Reply _gongster November 15, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Shoutout to the rockstar father and son duo! ahahaha

  • Reply Aliya December 20, 2015 at 1:01 am

    bratayley sent me here

  • Reply Vilavain December 30, 2015 at 5:40 am

    I love you soul pancake. been really stressed out this week and these videos are really helping. thank you, thank you so much. thank you for actually taking the time to conduct all these experiments and all your efforts in putting out amazing quality content videos…

  • Reply Dima January 8, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    this is such a great series. well done. i enjoy and get so much from these videos.

  • Reply SLandotHERs January 13, 2016 at 7:45 am

    Man my relationship with my dad has been so bad and I wish he could just know, like really know, how I have been feeling

  • Reply Shayna Balch February 9, 2016 at 1:25 am

    Caleb Logan sent me here ❤️❤️❤️ rip sweet boy

  • Reply Ching wee Ho February 20, 2016 at 8:34 am

    this video is so meaningful and it feels great to know that I'm not the only one worrying for my parent . I'm so grateful to have come across this video and to find out such an inspirational channel . this video made me tear up and i never really teared up watching a YouTube video before so this channel has to be great .

  • Reply Shyre Bernardo March 11, 2016 at 11:44 pm

    This is so coool….

  • Reply DaCarla Howard June 11, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    Man why are the Onions so strong gesssh. 😭 I would love to hear what my precious little has to say about me.

  • Reply Mia Cruz August 20, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    I would love to do this with my mom. I want to show her how much I love, worry , and care for her but she's stressed most of the time

  • Reply Rigo Obezo September 13, 2016 at 5:58 am

    Can you please un tag me from this video please?
    You guys edited out my daughter and I, please remove my name from this video.

  • Reply An alias October 14, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    I think I've always had a lot of quality time with my dad even though he works a lot whereas on the contrary my mom always says that she raised my brother and I almost on her own but it doesn't feel like we ever had quality time. She cared for our basic needs but we never really bonded over anything.

  • Reply Cierra October 19, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    Bratayley anyone 🙂

  • Reply Ronicia Plummer November 14, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    Bring these back soulpancake pleeease!!!

  • Reply Yasmin Rashed December 3, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    Your very helpful thanks 😭

  • Reply Terrible Person From Louisiana February 20, 2017 at 2:27 am

    the secret to a happy family is having GOD in the center!

  • Reply Hyren Peterson February 23, 2017 at 8:36 am

    AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Screaming as loud as I can so I cannot cry

  • Reply justine March 19, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    walking to school with my grandma was my favorite

  • Reply Chloe Newman April 4, 2017 at 12:19 am

    This account kills me😭😭

  • Reply Tasmia Haque April 28, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    Every second of your videos hold so much that it makes me emotional, happy or both at the same time ❤️👌🏼

  • Reply Marco Souza May 4, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    I'm studding this video with my English students. We are loving!

  • Reply Emily Huffstetler May 9, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    That little girl is very bright and super sweet & her dad is too

  • Reply MasterGamer2853 June 29, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    I really wish to do this because we are having hard times in the family because we argue a lot and I really wish to arrange things

  • Reply Yolanda Young July 4, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Reply Mariah _ October 5, 2017 at 10:33 am

    The dad in the band hit the nail on the head. My mom always place such a huge focus on going on a vacation, but what she didn't know was that all I wanted was designated one-on-one time doing something as simple as making pasta with sauce for dinner and watching my favorite movie(plus singing all the songs) would have meant the world to me.

  • Reply Ready,Set Play October 30, 2017 at 4:00 am

    Hey guys I just want to let you know we are suffering not by hunger but poorness of our family we have not yet even a single peny
    Please like for guide to god😭😭😭😭

  • Reply cupoftee November 26, 2017 at 5:19 am

    im bAWLING

  • Reply Jay Pearson January 8, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    Y'all mind if I cry? 😢😭

  • Reply Holly G March 30, 2018 at 12:45 am

    If one kid was like i worry about my dad’s/Mum’s drug business 😂

  • Reply Nonde M May 14, 2018 at 6:54 am

    The little girl is so smart and caring.

  • Reply Raquel Malone June 1, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    Quality time for sure. This is beautiful, I hope I exhibit to my babies with certainty my love and appreciation for them ♥️

  • Reply Nish YD July 20, 2018 at 1:29 am

    I’m crying in da club😭😭 these kids literally look like a mini version of their parents and the look in both of their eyes💛

  • Reply LoveMe,com September 26, 2018 at 3:56 am

    This is a very uplifting episode between parents and their children. Seems that those kids think like adults. This video gives us a lesson that we should give or spend quality time with our families. This is an eye-opener for everyone.

  • Reply Shofia Afkarina October 15, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    is Jullian still being host of science of happiness and love? can't wait to see the other project and Julian on it! ❤

  • Reply We M January 16, 2019 at 7:02 pm

    I'm not crying….. You're crying. 😢❤

  • Reply Authentic Gay Blog January 19, 2019 at 8:14 am

    The little girl so beautiful and adorable.

    I am reminded of this story:

    SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

    DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?”

    SON: “How much do you make an hour?”

    DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?”

    SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”

    DAD: “If you must know, I make $100 an hour.”

    SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow $50?”

    The father was furious and said, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard every day for my money.”

    The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

    The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

    After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often.

    The man went to the door of the little boy’s room, and opened the door and asked his son if he was awake and the boy replied that he was.

    DAD: “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $50 you asked for.”

    The little boy sat straight up, smiling, and said, “Oh, thank you daddy!”

    Then, reaching under his pillow the boy pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. As the little boy slowly counted out his money, his father asked, “Why do you want more money if you already have some?”

    SON: “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do. Daddy, I have $100 now; can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”

    The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

  • Reply vRe6V5NW May 1, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    Yeah, but what is the point of the whole thing? It's not getting anywhere… The title is totally overblown.

  • Reply charlene stirling September 30, 2019 at 11:24 am

    Hi..the bible gives us wonderful advice on family happiness……Many people have never experienced a happy life..However.. the bible contains many principles that will help all members of the family to make their family life successful and to enjoy being together….Luke 11 v 28 ..Happy are those hearing the word of God and keeping it ……. What God expects from husbands.. please read Ephesians 5 v 25 to 29……What God expects from wives.. Ephesians 5 v 33……. What God expects from children . Ephesians 6 v 1 to 3……. Following the bible's principles avoids many problems and troubles…. Hope this helps.. please log onto jw.org for more information from the bible…

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